Third Floor

Jungle Jungle baat chali hai pata chala hai...... 3rd floor ka pol khula hai.....pol khula hai.....

When did you last visit a zoo? Isn’t it very nice to see animals caged and laugh at them? Nice time pass. But wait a minute. Let me enjoy the contortion on your face when I tell that you got to live in a jungle with unleashed, hungry and carnivorous animals for two continuous years. You have been thrown out of your home in this jungle because there is no other place left in this elite society for a disgusting animal like you.

Frightened……????? Think about a 20 year old guy who chose to live in this jungle and that too by paying money to learn the harsh realities of life. What a fool!!! You will not be very surprised to know and I am not very ashamed to reveal that this fool in nobody else but I. Though I don’t want to declare myself as the best guide to take you through this Jungle yet considering the severe shortage of people for this dangerous job and my experience of one year successful stint of survival, I don’t mind you actually believing it. So, get ready for one of the most amazing and adventurous tours of your life (so far).
1.
Let’s first have a look in proximity. What do we find? Ohhhhh……we have a white owl. My roomy…….Rahul. I believe that every living creature in this world has been bestowed by God with a special capability in a particular area where no else can beat it. If this is true for Rahul as well (I don’t doubt about my belief but about Rahul being a living creature) then the area in which he has excelled is “sleeping.” The words of bible may be divine but Rahul’s keen ears are always attentive towards three magical words “Time to sleep”. He is so committed towards it that it doesn’t really matter whether its test or a party, day or night, dawn or dusk; he never takes hours off from sleeping.
Did somebody say that if you want something by true heart then whole world conspires to help you achieve it? Very true! Now how does it become Rahul’s fault if just a distant look at the books makes him feel sleepy? Not to tell Rahul enjoys his sleep to the extent possible when the pages of an open book converted into helpless pillow are kissing his cheeks (penetrating the stubble, of course).

Rahul, I must admit that I have nothing but humble words to express my gratitude for 10th March, 2008 when you gave me your black blazer and trouser to wear on my first interview at Ernst and Young. That was the best attire that I ever wore in my life (so far).
2.
With choice, I haven’t discussed Baby Boka and his roomy. Not because there is nothing to discuss about them but they are yet new and sometimes they display behavior which resembles that of human beings. Anybody, who behaves, genuinely or deliberately, like human being cannot be a part of 3rd floor.

WE, ANIMALS ON THE THIRD FLOOR, have profound animosity for human beings. Anyways, I should not shy in saying that I am thankful to Baby Boka for his 4GB pen drive which since his admission at Alliance, has, for most of the time, been in my room as the vehicle for the mobility of movies.
I have seen best of the movies of my life because of your pen drive (so far).
3.
By now, you must be wondering why I chose to take you through the esoteric tour of 3rd floor. Why not 1st or 2nd floor? Well, there are three specific reasons for it.
1. Once in my childhood, we had got an essay to write on zoo. I failed (could not pass) because at that time the only animal I knew was our English Teacher. Since then, it has been the burning desire of my heart to write on zoo. Cannot be a better place than third floor because there I have intent, content, serpents and their parents at my disposal.

2. I dictate my pen to write only truth but my pen, of course, will not write anything that endangers my only life.

3. There are people who bring happiness wherever they go and there are people who bring happiness whenever they go. Most of the people there belong to the second category. Some of them are so vicious that even a word about them might give my innocent readers’ thousand reasons to run away.

Sorry for the break. Let’s continue the journey.
4.
There are fools and they are everywhere.
Fools have been the center of my attraction since childhood. So, I have, unconsciously, gained a little bit of knowledge about the categories of fools. A special category of fools who make all attempts to get rid of their folly but eventually fail because their dispositions have been destined to be representatives of foolishness. To be precise, they are the opinion leaders of the emperors of silliness and every moment ready to set new and challenging standards of foolishness.

Considering the augmenting irritation of my intelligent readers, I reveal this secret of ages that such an encomium is in the dignity of our none other than Samar. He is too busy studying during the day that, to the great pleasure of his roomy, he finds the time to recite and then laugh at the fuckfunny Guju jokes only at 3:45 A.M.

Samar, being a rational creature, doesn’t quiet believe in the culture of wearing under wears. However, to everybody’s surprise, the only holy aim of his life is to wash under wears!!! None of the pedantic scholar has been able to construe the confound chemistry of “Samar and Underwear” and this enigma is still standing in front of third floor as “The Great Wall of China” in front of the rest of the world.

However, I cannot forget to say thanks for those peanuts that you gave at 2:00 A.M. when I had nothing else to eat.
Those were the best peanuts of my life in Bangalore (so far).
5.
All of us at the third floor have become the level one story cookers. To become a marketer, this quality is but inevitable. So let me have the great pleasure of introducing the “Biggest, fastest and you know, sleekest Marketer and Black Belt in Story cooker to you, as per my humble marketing exposure. Did somebody say what’s in a name? Wrong!! “Rajat Chaddha, albeit, Rajat Chad Ja (RISE UP…….RAJAT) albeit Silver Under Wear seems to be carrying quite a weight. “Silver Under Wear (I hope Samar has nothing to do with it) has understood the most important lesson of life that it’s easy to befool a wise than sprout wisdom in fools.
I want to drop a line saying thanks for the day when you allowed me to use your bank account to get money as my ATM was back at home. Rs. 1500 was the amount that I got when I needed it most in my life (so far).

6.
So small are his needs that his whole life can be befitted in a SIP (Sutta, iPOD and Philosophy). I really don’t need to give a second thought when I say he is the best at Alliance in scribbling about non-sense philosophy (Truth needs no evidence…..just click on http://www.sumanmaverick.blogspot.com/ and find it yourself). If I force my mind to count friends at Alliance, it squirrels (with unconditional support of my heart as well) this fu****’* name first of all. If I had to make Suman morph in an Animal, it would be a lion.

No time to say thanks to you for once I start I might end up spending most number of hours on typing only, in my life (so far).
7.
If people have doubts that you are a fool, then remain silent and let them doubt rather than speaking and removing all their doubts.
This is the man who stands as a foundation pillar for our birthday bums tradition. As the waves of sea can’t really soften the solid rock, similarly the forceful kicks of all hostlers have failed bitterly to convert his butter soft buttocks into little hard ones.
Neta has been a born scapegoat from the inception of our PGPM course. Be it birthday bums or classroom gimmicks, he is the one who is picked up unanimously.

Did somebody say if can’t escape, enjoy the rape? Every drop of bear poured into his throat secretively reveals that Our “American Desi Neta” seems to have grasped this lesson very well.
I remember so many times you have helped me with the credits of Rs. 100, sometime Rs. 500 too. Now if I say that they were the best Rs 100 of my life, my readers will think that I am making a fool of them.

Though not best, yet they were helpful many a time. Thanks for that.
8.
We are Indians and any Indian family is incomplete until they have a dog for security of home and time pass of kids. So, one day, to the great pleasure of all of us, Boka brought Amit on third floor.
"If you can’t bite, don’t bark." No!! For Amit, It should be “if you can’t bite, at least bark.” This special breed is fast gaining popularity as they are quite good with computers.
Dogs are generally helpful. Amit too is very helpful. I remember when our “Technocross Head” had sat with me throughout the night to prepare slides for the Quiz Contest. I forgot to express my gratitude next morning but can’t miss this opportunity now. Thank you so much dear for your unconditional and undemanding support for that night.

That was the best quiz contest I ever hosted in my life (so far).
9.

Fatso……..he is. I must say he is the honey bee of Alliance. Nandu F***** has always been a person to be envy of. All time so many girls around. “Why to blame girls?” I always try to console my heart thinking that girls have a natural inclination towards pregnant men. It’s been one year and Nandu is looking in no mood to conceive whatever he has got in his belly.

I really don’t think that I need to thank you for all those assignments you gave me to copy as in my opinion I have compensated you by equal or more number of assignments to copy for. But I must say I have seen the heights of amicability during the injury of your roomy “Misbah”. Injured he was but I have seen you hauling yourself to the extent impossible just not to let your roomy suffer. Hats off to you, dear.
10.
One really doesn’t need to crack head. Just one raw look at his face and one can make out that he is the only rabbit of 3rd floor. You interact with him and understand that his soul also supports your findings. The only thing I don’t like about him is that he forgets things a lot. It’s great to happen if I owe him. But somehow every single time, naturally or deliberately, it turns out that he owes me money. Even now when I am writing he owes me Rs. 50. Vibhor, my friend, if you remember those Rs. 50………Opppps. I am sure you don’t remember. But please don’t assume that I endeavored to write all these pages with the willful intention of reminding you about Rs. 50. I have other much better and easier ways to do that.

But, to your misfortune, if this write up, somehow, has become successful to spark a sense of liability in your oblivious mind, then I will be more than happy to see your clumsy face with a fake smile and moron hands with a note of Rs 50 when I open my door tomorrow morning.

Jokes apart, you are a fantastic soul and one of the best things I enjoy on 3rd floor is your melodious voice. Thanks for the unsolicited singing which reminds me of the herculean stint which that almighty has taken to impart our selfish, meaningless and a “hamsters on a treadmill” like life with the abundance of natural virtues.

I wish I will hear best song of my life, dedicated to Alliance, from your divine throat. I also wish that I will write that song for you to sing.
11.
How many of you have seen “Road Trip”? Remember that tiny and disgustingly stretched guy who had wrestled with a fat Negro lady and was rewarded by the lady with her underpants. The treasure of third floor has been embellished further by the twine of “Road Trip Fighter”.

Whenever I get stressed with the useless assignments and DTAs of my course, I feel like giving two three blows to Harry Potter, albeit Manik. Not because he is the one whom I have any animosity against but because he is the only gentle and naive animal whom even I can dare to pounce upon.

Apart from the delicious chicken that you brought from home after SIP, I am thankful to you for sitting with me to analyze the horrendous budget of 2008 and then limit it to the 250 best possible words as per our frugal knowledge of finance.

In my life (so far)that was the best analysis of Indian Budget.

12.
Seemingly petrified and therefore gentle, this elderly creature had not been able to catch much of my attention. But both of us came a little closer when we were rewarded with damnation in the last week of March, 2008. For a duck who has survived in zoo for 5 years before becoming a part of jungle, it will be very rude of me to say anything demeaning the majesty of our SGC president. Who the hell cares……!!!RUDE I AM. The only thing I enjoy about Chacha is the unusual and fanatical way of saying “BENCHO” for a Hindi abusive word (Those who understood…..I don’t need to explain and those who didn’t they don’t need to).

I take great pleasure in expressing warm thanks on behalf of the whole third floor for whatever our honorable SGC president has done for us (though I am doubtful whether he has actually done anything???). I also take this opportunity to say thanks to Chacha for consoling, guiding and keeping me resilient during the period when I was not on the usual heights my morale to bag a good SIP.

in my life (So far), You have been the best SGC president I have come across.
13.
Deer is an animal which is as harmless as the Munshi (Accountant) of the venerable Panchayat. This position of Munshi is actually a form of disguised unemployment and therefore seen as an abject occupation. Sahil, albeit, Munshi is a very sanctimonious kind of animal. Every single morning he offers his prayers and for that he has to come down to our room for a match box. (Hey man, it’s not very costly. Why don’t you buy one?)

I am a big fan of the perseverance of Sahil. I remember he had got least score in the class in B.S.(Business Statistics i.e. Bull Shit) in first DTA with a total of 12. Next time he worked extremly hard , raised the bar for himself and managed not to get the least score. He got 12.5. But the glow on his face was essentially being sourced by his insurmountable delightment from the fact that he had made an improvement of half a mark which in no way was inferior to half a mile towards the hidden treasure of the hero of “Alchemist.”

I am hereby being forced, partially by heart and partially by dirt, to say thanks for maintaining the unflappable supply chain of vicious material which some time is the only support during chosen or random seclusions.
I have seen the best dirt in my life*(so far) because of you.
14.
By this time you must have figured it out that who are going to be the next on the journey. They are consciously cruel. They are corrupt. They are wild; rather I’ll say they are vile. Even then they are the gods of third floor. Collectively they are known as Panchayat.
Hey panchayat ! Hey panchayat!! Hey panchayat!!!
Let me take the honor of introducing you to the most vicious and spiteful gang of our Panches. Welcome on the blog- Mr. Aadi, Mr. Misbah, Mr. Shashank albeit Boka, Mr. Navjot (NJ), Mr. Rakesh and Mr. Tani. These are the majestic mogul of 3rd floor.

Keeping aside my willies and after watching “Rang de Basanti”, I have dared to dictate my very wimp pen to write about Panchayat and their atrocities.

I would like to symbolize them with a herd of leopards that will kill its prey on its whims and fancies. Panch of 3rd floor have a very unique judiciary system. In this system your punishment is identified as Justice. The slogan for panchayat is “Take it easy, but take it.”

It is really beyond my feeble sense of reasoning that what is it that I should be thankful to them for. For this unbearable and non-venial crime, I heartily apologize.

However, when I look back to find what was it that made me to write a blog on 3rd floor, I find that the distinctiveness and the respect that 3rd floor has been able to command in Udupa-2 was one of the factors behind my upright motivation. This respect, this glory, this status would not have been achieved without the perennial and untiring endeavors of tortures of our benign Panchayat. They are corrupt, mean and big time ch***** but at least they accept and acknowledge it happily. I take great pride in being a part of the floor which is full of such cruel, wicked and WILD animals.

Without any doubt, this is the best panchayat of my life (so far). Hey Panchayat!!!!!

15.
So, how was the journey so far?
It is yet incomplete. Last and least as well, here I am. Which animal shall I related myself with? I leave this for you to decide.
I want to thank myself as well for giving so much time to write this huge blog which is dedicated to all the jungle of third floor.
I think this is the best blog I have written in my life (so far).

We, the third floor animals, are grateful to you for spending your precious time with us.
You are the best tourist to our jungle (so far).